it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
