It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
