During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
