I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
