You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
