Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
