ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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