If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
