And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
