So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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