She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
