So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
