just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize