dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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