Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
