Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My ass is underappreciated
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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