i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
