How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
