There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
