I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
