I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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