it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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