The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
