my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
