No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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