happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize