i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
