Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
