Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
