I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
