Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
