They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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