just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's always time for handjobs
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
