I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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