Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We had to coat check the pizza.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
