When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
