im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
