Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
