you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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