She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
