I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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