"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
