I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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