So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
