Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The Olympian is in my bed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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