It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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