After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
