I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
