just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
