some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
