the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
