dude i'm inner monologue high
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
