Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
