I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
