why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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