my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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