Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
