I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
