Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
