Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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