We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
