explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
