Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
