hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
