Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
