trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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