Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
