Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
