So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
