We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
